Lonely Moments

From the SightShift^® newsletter. Sent to subscribers August 17, 2026.

Somewhere along the way, everybody agreed that leadership is lonely. You've heard it on podcasts and read it in books. It's lonely at the top. John Maxwell teaches on it, and I love the man, but I want to push back a little on how that message usually lands.

When a room full of leaders gets told "you're lonely, and we know you," it's heavy handed. And for most of the business owners I'm with every week, it isn't even true.

I'm not lonely in my marriage. I have lonely moments in my marriage.

I'm not lonely as a parent. I've got adult kids I have a blast with. Yet, I do have lonely moments as a dad.

I'm not lonely in my work. I've been building with a team that is in it as deep as teammates can go. I'm not lonely. Yet, I have lonely moments. That's just the natural weight of leadership.

Here's the difference.

A lonely moment is when you have to lead for impact instead of your own validation. It's the hard conversation nobody can start for you, or the decision nobody can sign off on but you. Nobody can carry that moment for you, and that's not a defect in your team or your marriage. It's just what comes with the role.

But if you believe you're a lonely person, you'll start medicating a condition you don't have. You'll chase rooms that make you feel understood, and you'll surround yourself with yes energy. And every leader now has an AI in their pocket that's happy to be one more yes man. The lonely story gets worse the more you feed it.

If you know you're not lonely, that you just have lonely moments, then you can train for them. You can see one coming.

So here's my challenge to you.

First, when the heaviness shows up, name it. Say to yourself, "This is a lonely moment, not a lonely life." It's amazing how much that one sentence changes things.

Second, decide ahead of time where you will go for validation in that moment, because the moment itself is the worst time to choose. For me, that's God. He's the one source that doesn't run dry when the people around me can't give me what I need.

Third, let the moment do its work in you. The quest of a leader is to turn loneliness into energizing solitude. Every lonely moment is a rep, and what you do in it decides whether you walk out more needy or more free.

Lonely moments can be traced to an insecurity that is begging for validation. Our insecurities decide how dangerous a lonely moment is, and that's something you can measure. Take the IFQ^®. Four questions, 15 minutes, and it will show you what's at the root of your lonely moments.