Healthy humans wants to grow and get better.
At some point the focus of your leadership journey changes.
Rather than the ending point to your day being, "Did I grow?" it becomes, "Did I help them grow?"
Growth and development is like a spring. It flows.
And we fail to value the micro-steps of growth. The idea we learned from that article. The way a book helped us frame an issue. The podcast that expanded the horizon of our thinking. The actions and attitudes that were sparked from that tweet.
Here's 1 action to develop those around you: Share a resource.
If you've ever been on a team with me you know I've shared podcasts, articles, books, and ideas to stimulate your growth.
Share something now with someone. Make it a recurring weekly event on your calendar to share. Over time you'll be seen as a resource just from sharing resources.
Want to go further?
The number 1 problem for every organization I've ever worked with (AFTER their model is dialed in, finances are healthy, and a clear objective is in place...which is difficult to do)
...is their leadership pipeline.
They run out of leaders. Or their pace is hampered by the lack of a deep leadership bench.
And this will only become more true. I don't need to read another report to know that strategic thinking to cut through the data and emotional/relational intelligence will be rare in the future. (In my coaching experience the interpersonal skills of those that have grown up with a computer and now a phone are massively deficient to those who haven't.) Leadership skills will be more necessary than ever in the future. Unless you want to work at a distribution center.
Here's 4 components you'll need for leadership pipeline that will facilitate your mission not hamper it:
1. Senior/executive leadership that models the organizations values and interacts with others as a master coach.
This is difficult. Everything that is caught will have more of an impact than what is taught. An organization that develops others requires leaders who can develop others. Seems obvious. But rarely happens.
2. Vision and values that elicit positive emotions from everyone in the organization.
This is medium in difficulty. The right experiences or with visionary leadership (you can get there through either path) will surface the identity/dna of the organization. Then you can creatively shape the wording to make the values/vision attitude forming and action inspiring.
3. Peer to peer mentoring and learning.
This is difficult. Without a framework the best you can hope for is peer to peer conversations. That alone is great and rare but not enough to establish consistent language and framing across the organization. When language and framing are shared experiences the depth, speed, and clarity of communication return with return more energy than you put into the communication.
4. Resources that allow individuals to maximize learning at a self driven pace.
This is easy. Never before has an access to so much learning been possible. The difficult part is finding best-in-class resources that support #1-#3 above.
As an FYI we advise organizations on the 4 above on how to do it. In addition we resource them on #1,#3, #4 and offer experiences that surfaces #2. If you're interested in the strategic assessment/development for your organization there's room for a few orgs this summer and it's the perfect time to get ready for the Fall. Just reply back, "Apply" if you're a decision maker for any of #1-#4 and want to get more info.
If you're not that decision maker but want to grow the academy is always there for you.
Share something with someone and help them develop as a leader.
Mid-year boost for ya:
#1 Your best work is in front of you.
It’s your fire for what could be that will keep you practicing and harnessing your skills that will bring in the most meaning (and money...see #2 below).
How do you practice this?
You keep taking the next vulnerable step.
You put yourself out there in small ways but increasingly big ways.
You make bigger pitches.
You make bigger asks.
If it’s this easy why doesn’t everyone do it?
Because they are afraid of the response of others.
What will they think?
I’m not far enough along yet to do it at the level I want to.
You can recover if you keep going.
Don’t trick yourself.
What kind of work do you want to do?
How good do you want to do that work?
You’re not launching a rocket.
You can start before you’re ready.
Action: Take the next step.
#2 Money is value added.
I know, duh, and I’m not saying it’s easy or overnight.
But your current approach limits how much you’re making.
Don’t be pie-in-the-sky stupid.
Do answer these without bs.
What do you want your life to look like?
How much does it take to make that life happen?
If you want to have an annual family vacation, reliable transportation, and not intentionally dress like you’re one step behind things you need to make 130K for a family of four. This is based on a recent USA Today study.
Quick tip to figure out how much that needs to be hourly is to divide by half.
Not clean but close.
So everything you do need to make you 65.00 an hour roughly speaking.
But I don’t want to survive the middle class.
So I need time to develop myself if I want to get beyond getting by.
The best develop themselves everyday.
If you develop yourself for a measly 2 hours everyday (include an hour of fitness with and hour of reflection and reading) and cut out the wasted time...
you’re most likely working working 4 solid hours a day.
That means you need 130.00 an hour.
And like most people that play at this level and go beyond the middle class they learn the 20/80 rule.
20% of those 4 hours are where you make your most value.
You’re probably making the most money in less than a quarter of that 4 hour window.
Making more money is connected to your ability to leave the unessential things undone so you can upgrade you.
It’s taking an online workshop.
It’s seeking out the coaching.
It’s reading the book and applying it.
So you can:
send one solid email.
stand out by an audacious feat.
zig when they zag.
The pro level movements are a result of developing yourself.
Figure out your hour target.
Then invest in yourself to make it happen.
Action: Invest in something that will grow you.
#3 Life is fun when your relationships are fun.
You train people how to treat you.
There’s some exceptions to that.
If people aren’t responding to the healthy ways you want to be treated then exit.
Train them they can’t treat you that way.
For the rest of us...
If what people will think of you is holding you back from the moves you need to make...
Sit them down.
Ask them to listen to your hopes, dreams, and uncertainties.
Team member. Partner. Lover. Crazy eyed uncle.
Action: Give support. Request one small way they can show you support.
There’s 2 kinds of people.
Those that dance at weddings and have fun.
Those that watch, arms crossed, and judge.
Seriously, did you know in an informal study of hospice patients was that their number 1 regret was they wished they lived their life not the one someone else wanted to live.
Pull the eject button on the kind of person, business owner, daughter, etc of who “they” say you need to be.
See you on the dance floor.
And dancing takes lots of energy.
Energy you don’t have for drama.
#4 Reduce the unnecessary friction or drama.
Your current approach to __________ (fill in the blank with fitness, skill development, business growth, etc) is getting you the current result you’re experiencing.
How do you change your approach?
Pay attention to what you repeat.
From household chores that my kids complete to interactions with clients when things get off the rails I look for systems or repeated actions that took it into crazy town. Then I build a new system or rhythm or repeated action to prevent that from happening again.
If the chores aren’t done by noon Saturday then no allowance.
Miss 2 clearly communicated and agreed upon deadlines then no job.
If every time you launch a new initiative with your team it fizzles out by month 2 there’s a system to change.
If you fight over money at home there’s a needed system upgrade (or a few systems).
Don’t try and stop bad systems just replace them with good ones.
Action: Find one one area where a bad system is going unnoticed and study it.
#5 Make sharp quick movements from best practices that excite you.
We live in an amazing time. We are constantly learning.
And that can be overwhelming.
17 unscientific studies quoted on the news and I don’t know if it’s healthy to drink wine, at the same time eat chocolate, while running around the block to purify my lungs of my home’s air pollution.
But there are changes you can make like:
Eat for sustained energy.
Learn how to listen and be present.
Communicate your needs.
Have a calendar that excites you.
Contribute so much value to others they light up to see you.
Practice mental habits that make you feel gratitude to be alive.
Harness your physiology for extreme mental stamina.
All of the above are amazing because they make your life amazing.
And it’s as simple as learning how the brain works and how to cooperate with it.
Intentionally wiring your brain and building your own triggers is the new performance superdrug.
A few small moves can make big changes happen.
You don’t have to learn it all or do it all.
There will be new knowledge tomorrow.
Don’t carry shame for not taking the path of others.
You figure you out.
Action: Experiment, experiment, experiment to find that habits you enjoy that make you feel good.
I also loaded the above as a podcast: Podcast here
and video: Video here
How do I explain SightShift?
Bret (our www.sightshiftathletes.com leader) cracked the code. It's mindset training.
I had been thinking about how mindfulness is a great start but you're not done until you've upgraded your mindset. We barely introduced this at the end of The Stuck Book and like all things each step leads to the next one. And he led with such clarity when he proposed the mindsets that SightShift cultivates. Immediately we started working through this and knew we had something. It's the best "zoomed out" way yet I've seen to discuss SightShift. At the highest level SightShift is helping you develop 7 mindsets.
Here's a recent podcast where I walk through those 7 and talk about the current issues they address in society. Also how you as a leader can cultivate these 7: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/7-mindsets-necessary-for-future-high-performance-now/id964970402?i=1000410716650&mt=2 . This is just the beginning of our articulation of this. (You can also find some newish episodes on just 1 of the mindsets: victim vs. victor)
So Bret sent out an email this week to those subscribed to our athlete channel.
And it's awesome so I'm sharing it here.
Take the mic Bret:
An interesting story out of the USA 25k Championships last weekend.
Accomplished long distance runner Sarah Crouch opted to race without wearing a watch. Her explanation of the decision: “This year I’ve raced quite a bit but to be totally honest I haven’t put myself into races where losing was very likely. It turns out that winning when you’re not trying very hard isn’t super satisfying. So I’m actually here to kind of get my butt kicked a little bit. I couldn’t care less what time I run and I think that when I have my watch on, when I’m constantly looking at it, I’m far too much in my own head and in my own way. So the goal tomorrow is to race my instincts, my guts.”
Running coach Steve Magness noted: “[Sarah has] had great training but struggled in racing, so she wanted to put the emphasis back on racing and free herself from the time."
She ended up finishing 3rd in the race after leading most of the way and recorded a personal best time.
“I finally ran fearless,” she said.
Two things I notice from this story:
1. A Victor Mindset - Sarah is choosing situations that kick her butt a little bit, that stretch her abilities. She's not protecting an ego or a record or a perception. She's seeking opportunities to grow.
2. A Focused Mindset - Sarah is eliminating distractions, seeking presence over performance. She is prioritizing getting lost in the moment.
Train the mind to experience Relaxed Intensity. A calm presence and a focused mind.
Hope you can find inspiration from Sarah.
At the end of the day humans want other humans to like them. And humans want to do something meaningful with their lives.
Yet at every age there are developments, struggles, and realities that block these two simple desires.
Here's 7 realities I can't stop thinking about:
1. Institutions reinforce tribalism.
This is why institutions are being taken down or completely changing before our eyes. The institutions of the future empower personal development. A healthy we starts with a healthy me. Colleges, marriages, religions, etc. None are exempt. Human beings are no blank slate morally speaking. Left to the worst of ourselves we gravitate to a model that prioritizes the "we" that we identify with over and above the needs of all.
The critic would say, "But institutions are critical for society."
Yes. But the institution must help people find an identity beyond the tribe.
2. More deconstruction approaches.
For the only time in human history you can find lots of thoughts and beliefs to build your life around or for building an identity. Rather than being raised in a worldview and experiencing that worldview consistently over your lifetime there is exposure to the world's viewpoints at the click of a hashtag. The institutions have failed to show the options. So you find in different corners of the net someone like you or someone you identify with over and above your current grouping.
The critic would say, "Yesterday's beliefs hold all this together." OR "Today's beliefs are the only hope."
Yes. But no one gets to their own secure identity with out progressing through some level of deconstruction regarding yesterday and today's beliefs.
3. Categories and labels block customized wisdom.
When tribalism takes over we pick a part of who are and make that whole of our identity. This means fundamentalism will kick and scream, louder. Fundamentalism exists in the left and the right. It exists when you hear everything through a filter of confirmation bias. Another way this could be said is the greater the deconstruction the more intense the desire for labels. The lines between labels are blurring. Anti or pro Trump is a way the world divides itself. Political parties, religious groups, etc. on the far left and far right will police their "boundaries" with greater and greater ferocity. "You tow the party line or we will attempt to shame you into conforming." The insecure will exhibit the fruit of new ridiculous lines from the root of the invalidation they feel. From the invalidation they feel people will draw new lines. "Don't appropriate my culture!" when in reality we're all appropriating culture. More labels will be made up and more labels will be lobbed at each other like word grenades or worse.
The critic would say, "Labels help us group together, get more done, and call out oppression."
Yes. But categorization of the group blocks the customized wisdom the individual needs and trains a victim mindset looking for oppression.
4. You can't prepare for how different your daily life will look in the future.
I work with a number of companies and individuals in those companies who are developing technologies that will replace lots of jobs. Imagine you put together a group of farmers 200 years ago and said, "only a handful of you will still do this work in the future". It would be impossible for them to get their minds around what you are saying because you couldn't replace it with a clear picture of the future. The future of our daily life can't be predicted. What can be predicted is that work and life will go through as big a shift (bigger really) as the shift from agriculturalism to industrialism. Most get left behind in big transitions.
The critic would say, "Keep doing what needs to be done. Society needs lots of doers."
Yes. But there will always be lots of doers. We need dynamic leaders who are adaptive and resilient.
5. Fear is how they direct you.
Instead of making substantive changes to adjust your sails to future potentials...most will be driven by fear. I saw it as a college prof. Students were afraid that they picked the right major. They were at college because they had been scared into it. "The debt is worth it. Having a degree will fix everything." (See number 1. Institutions will matter less and less unless they adapt.) From news cycles to "studies show" you'll be pressured into conforming. All your decisions to position yourself with the right degree and job and relationships will be worthless.
The critic would say, "The wise see trouble coming and adjust."
Yes. But success is no straight line. And fear based decisions put you in the wrong position.
6. Data can manipulate. Stories surface reality.
With new technologies and big data understanding what is real and true will be more and more difficult to parse out. Hitler can deceive a nation using persuasion. What could he do with propaganda news cycles, manipulation of big data, and tech that can record political leaders then spit out videos of them saying whatever the computer wants them to say? Discerning truth will get more and more difficult. If your phone home button has haptic feedback then try this. Turn off your phone and press the home button. Your brain is programmed from the haptic feedback that you can press it in but in reality it never moves.
The critic would say, "Data helps us know reality over and above perception."
Yes. But the persuasive power of stories surface the truth of the individual. The stories a leader tells reveals if they are directing with fear or love.
7. Technology enhances or diminishes humanity.
Phone usage isn't going away. It will just become a part of our bodies. The drift towards more and more of the robotic will lead some to become less and less human. Surrogate experiences of VR, gaming, and other simulations will foster an escape from reality or enhance the experience of being human. The skill of being able to be with other humans and relate with vocal intonation, facial mannerisms, and body language will diminish greatly.
The critic would say, "We just need more empathy."
Yes. But empathy is not enough and only a starting point. Go back to number 1. Individuals have to find the totality of their humanity beyond validation.
SightShift unblocks. And not just in spite of these 7 realities. It maps onto these realities.
1. SightShift equips so you can serve and build institutions that empower others rather than contributing to those that disempower.
2. SightShift aids a fast and effective deconstruction. There is a simplicity on the other side of complexity.
3. You find an identity beyond the labels and categories.
4. Then you're not ignorant to the present moment.
5. You are not driven by the fear.
6. You live your story.
7. You become a better human.
I'm leaving the locker room at the gym a few mornings ago. Simple banter ensues.
"You done?" he says to me. Yep. "Time to get after it" I say.
From there the conversation developed into schedule, pacing, and pressure. I had shared that I had finished a big project. It was months of hard work and I was enjoying a later start to the work day with some longer runs.
He then opened up, "I stayed late for years. Back at my desk by 5:45 am. Never felt like I could do anything else but make it about work. Then I retired and they had me replaced in days."
He continued, "I called my son last night at 9:30 pm. I asked him what he was doing and he told me he was working. I tried to tell him to go home and be with his kids."
I could hear his PARTIAL truth. "I regret all I did and how easily I was replaced."
He doesn't know his FULL truth, "I thought if I did X, Y, and Z I would be hard to replace. I fear being easily replaced. That fear has driven me to insecurely pursue my mission in a false way. I chose for work to define my identity. As a result I also missed out in being a father and now my son is doing the same."
Or something like that.
This isn't about summing up people. Each human is unique. I freaking love that uniqueness.
It is about unblocking a pattern:
1. When your mind processes what is happening to you and you're not just blindly playing along to a false narrative only then will you grasp truth. It is painful as proving and hiding become clear. It's why I shared an article on twitter earlier today from Harvard Business that states introspection is usually done incorrectly. You make up reasons to keep your false narrative intact.
2. When you grasp truth and dig really deep you find out who you really are and who you really can be. Then you speak and live and fulfill your roles/mission from a place of a solid core. You don't make up false reasons. You see the truth of proving and hiding. Change begins with noticing!
3. Maturity is achieved and received. You're a person of truth. Your truth. But you'll lose that maturity. Life is dynamic and threatens the integrity of who we are, often. Maturity is then achieved and received, continually. Again and again. It's not immaturity to lose your solid internal ground. It's immaturity to not recognize it is lost and then step back into it. You keep going back to the center of who you are. You like being you even if you don't like all your responses and circumstances. You keep upgrading.
Nothing is more important in your life than finding your truth and living it.
There are people who have dedicated their lives to helping others do that. In different ways and expressions from people thousands of years ago to the last 40 years I'm kinda obsessed with reading and studying their thoughts.
More than that I'm absolutely obsessed with showing (which is better than telling) others how to find their truth and live it.
Weeks ago I wanted to launch an idea but I lingered. For days. And then it hit me like a pile of bricks. SightShift has grown. It is happening. And I didn't want to risk a failure. I had started playing "not to lose" rather than playing to win.
Do you show up like Goliath or David? One is the humble underdog. One begs to be taken down. The key is no matter what to stay the humble underdog. Stay hungry. Stay captivated with your crazy goals and desires.
There's so much I don't know. There's so much I want to learn. (My curiosity can drive me a little crazy with all I want to learn and understand.) The minute I stop being the underdog in my brain the 40,000 certified coaches becomes a result I get attached to rather than loving the process of the continual climb.
A few current curiosities if you're curious...
Let's talk about intellect and intuition.
I've been doing a really deep dive into a number of fields and came across a way of expressing an idea. Seeing Blaise Pascal write hundreds of years ago about the the way your intellect and intuition processes an experience shook me. For the last 10 years one of the most impactful changes that has happened to me is learning to experience the moment and not just analyze it. The way I've been wording it is learning to receive what is happening then process it. Even if the processing kicks in a second after you notice the sensations it opens up your ability to be present. This is what I was trying to say in the Figure That Shift Out book with the story where my daughter slipped me that note. It's a wonderful feeling to feel like you hug your daughter for the first time. You can "receive" that feeling many times.
Let's talk about identity.
Learning how to cooperate with how your brain already processes your experiences through identity is the key hinge point for what SightShift is all about. I've been fascinated recently to see some teams I'm working with have a lightbulb moment when they see it. They get their business identity is important. You can't market effectively if you don't know the identity of your business. The same is true for the individual! In fact we could say it is more true. All truth is expressed through language and metaphors and yes so much is perception. But you can anchor in. I've doing a lot more study on social policies as I get more questions regarding building communities around the SightShift ideas. Lots more to say here for another time but it still goes back to the individual and their discovery of who they are.
Let's talk about solving problems.
If you're not energized to solve problems in your mission or community, in your business or your relationships then you're blocked up. Everyone gets blocked up. Few continually unblock. After the academy came out something in me changed about how I relate to the day to day function of my work. I've spent so many years building and tightening the content of SightShift. I felt stuck looking at computer screen with a pile of tasks that are no longer my "A" priorities. I can't listen to another podcast or read another article and have it end with, "will you tell the people how!?!?!?". SightShift is the how. It's the mindset training for the practitioner. It's not for the monk that wants to run away to the desert. It's for the one who has some Goliaths to take down. One of my mini-Goliaths 😉 is I am changing my calendar. I've found that I need to dial it in about every 6 months. Occasionally I overhaul it and rebuild my week. I am overhauling it. I am changing the structure of my week to spend more time with some options I'll share below. (I think of calendar optimization as building your ideal week.)
What that means is more time with people doing the work of SightShift with others:
1. New coaching group opens in a few weeks. If you're interested in the coaching for yourself or certification to coach others let me know. I love getting notes from our certified coaches on the impact they are having. The people they coach I don't meet with but they are getting the same results. One certified coach sent me a note that said the coachee had sent a note that said, "My coach asked what has been different and I explained how I wasn't wrapping my identity up in my performance any more." WOO. Go here for coaching interest.
2. If you're interested in making a SightShift event happen in your city with some friends or with your team at work let's do it! Email connect [at] sightshift.com, "Event" and we'll send you an interest form.
3. If you can get to Columbus or you are in Columbus then join me HERE for the: SightShift 2 day workshop. This workshop is an intense 9 hours in which we cover the same 12 steps taught in the full program. It's limited to a small group so you will receive direction instruction and coaching as you work on the exercises. Participants will receive:
- A workbook
- A book
- Access for the remainder of the year to www.thesightshiftacademy.com (all courses)!!!
Where are you curious? Where do you need to unblock some curiosity?
You're getting played. Vulnerability isn't enough.
The pendulum often swings too far.
Your job as a leader is to inspire confidence but not deceive.
A general way to illustrate this:
Yesterday's wrong headed leadership: Seize and keep power.
"My sales are huge."
"I've done this so many times. I'm an expert."
"I have all the answers."
"This will work with absolute certainty."
Today's naive leadership: Share everything or you're not authentic.
"I'm just a tiny business."
"I've never done this before. Take a chance on me."
"I have no idea what I'm doing."
"I am taking a random guess at solving this problem."
Reality is best lived out in the tension or paradox of truths. You need power and positioning. You need authenticity.
"Sales are up."
"I've been helping with people with this."
"I've noticed this pattern and I can help you with it."
"I've sough out world class answers and I can give you clear direction but not absolute certainty."
I learned the hard way.
I remember when I first started a public leadership role at age 21. I coudln't talk about any problems in the organization. Without being aware I thought problems would reflect a negative light on my leadership. So I kept the optimism high and forced.
I've learned a lot since then as I've led teams and organizations. I was wrong.
It's not my job to convince everyone of a reality that doesn't exist. Nor do I suffocate hope with negativity.
We move forward with hope and vision while facing reality. And that requires leadership that is both brave and kind. Bravery is necessary to let ambition develop. It's healthy to desire to grow. I want to grow my influence as much as I can.
As my strength and power increases kindness must increase. The increase of power is for others. The strength you begin to possess is so you can help others.
Tired of Trump? What about the Pope or Xi?
Organizations get the leaders they deserve so what lurks underneath can be surfaced. (Think of Carl Jung's work on "Shadows".) The stuff is there lurking in the dark. Then it's given permission to come out in the light which is the only way you can heal the darkness. This (and Tuckman's Model of the phases of a team...Forming, Storming, etc) is why there was a Pope in between John Paul II and Francis. And Trump. And why Xi Jinping now has no term limits.
Religion and politics follow patterns. So does your company. And your family.
I want the collective "we" to improve but it starts with a healthy "me". You can't fix problems and evils at a collective level first. A healthy individualism builds a healthy collectivism. Reverse that order and you'd need to be the leader of Venezuela. Forced collective change forces more "stuff" underground.
Bad ideas have to be replaced.
Bad ideas are the problem.
I get fired up writing emails like this and want to start tearing things down. I want to match tactic for tactic. Intensity for intensity. But the best way to render bad ideas ineffective is to replace the world with the better idea.
Vulnerablity like mindfulness is good. It's a start. It's becoming aware. But you have to lean in. Then see what needs to be upgraded before you get into the flow of improvement.
Developing Awareness, Leaning into the darkness, Flipping the direction, and Enjoying the new Flow are the 4 rhythms or actions of all lasting change. (Any people out there been thru SightShift????)
Let's build a better world. The world needs more courageous and kind leaders. Start with the world around you by becoming that kind of leader. Vulnerability alone isn't enough. You'll just create a vacuum for the next generation's insecure leadership to fill.
I can see it in their eyes. I feel it.
When someone is consumed with a mission or a MISSION it bleeds out of them.
Sometimes they are consumed with what they get from their mission or Mission.
And that's dangerous.
Sometimes they've done as Ray Lamontagne sang about in "Empty":
"Well I looked my demons in the eyes
Lay bare my chest
Said do your best
To destroy me
See I've been to hell and back
So many times
I must admit
You kinda bore me
There's a lot of things
That can kill a man
There's a lot of ways
Yes, and some already did
And walk beside me"
There's a mystical quality to those that have plumbed the depths, faced their fear, and found abundance.
They are consumed with what they can give to their Mission in all their missions.
I want to stay in the place that I'm facing my fears and continually finding the abundance that gives me courage to move forward. (I"m so passionate about this idea it's one of the main pieces in the mindset course and The Rider book.)
You want to know why teens can impact the world in a way you will not impact the world?
They have NOT faced the issues of mortgages, health insurance, buying groceries, and driving their kids around to their nightly activities until they are numb in the face.
So you can let those who are not yet stung by the responsibilities of adulthood become a wake up call for you to find your own mission. They were stung by evil and had to act. Let the sting of your burdens awaken you.
Or you can numb out while you cynically degrade their naivete.
Because music can so often be the voice that wakes up...I'll hand the mic to Jim.
“The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on an individual level. It's got to happen inside first." Jim Morrison
I wish you all the discomfort in the world until you find your own personal revolution. Everything originates out of your identity. Mission will follow. But you gotta go inside first.
If you want some help with that...there were 6 new podcasts loaded on the show today. These interviews can be found at the stuck book page.
Take me to the interviews.
(Or you can go straight to podcast page: Go here to binge on the podcast.)
And it kicks off with my guests from Finland (Salla and Pasi) who were nervous about the recording because English is their second language. They did awesome. I asked about how they were such pros after I stopped recording and they let me know they split a bottle of champagne. I felt like Wayne from Wayne's World, "We're Not Worthy". 😜 🍻
The shower in our bedroom is getting demolished and will be replaced this week.
When they put the shower in they didn't put the proper backing on the tile but instead used normal drywall.
Done correctly the foundation of the wall would support many, many, many showers. Done incorrectly the tile has bulged out and the ceiling below was getting wet in just SEVEN years!
So I told my wife we are all going to shower less. The house can't take regular showers. (This is all part of my master plan to reduce the water bill.)
The answer isn't to shower less but fix the foundational work that was done incorrectly.
This makes me think of getting big things done and burnout.
IS EXPECTING LESS THE ANSWER?
You're capable of way more. You are more brave than you know. But if you don't know how to make your own meaning then you will burnout.
The answer isn't to expect less of yourself in a challenging environment. The answer is to learn how to sharpen your mindset in the midst of challenge.
“research shows that the single biggest cause of work burnout is not work overload, but working too long without experiencing your own personal development.” Kegan, Robert; Lahey, Lisa Laskow. An Everyone Culture: Becoming a Deliberately Developmental Organization (p. 2).
THIS MOMENT IS HERE TO TRAIN YOUR MINDSET
When I am challenged I want to be mindful. I want to be aware of what is happening inside me and around me. But I also want to lean in so I can understand how the challenge will upgrade my mindset.
Life has a way of exposing the need for a demolition job to your old mindset so you can get a new one. It's time for your upgrade.
One of my favorite mindset statements that I say to myself often: There's a 1001 reasons to lower your head today. You only need 1 to lift it. Your identity isn't on the line.
I'M NOT OVERSTATING THIS
Get ready because I see Western society separating into 2 groups that make an attempt at leadership:
Those who think the answer to suffering is to fight for their validation.
Those who learn to self-validate, seize the moment, grow their influence, move society forward and upgrade their skills.
I don't know how long it will take but we seem to going through a demolition job society wide. There will be progress from it. But people will also develop bad mindsets that will shape bad habits. I'm extremely concerned about a "victim mindset" I see developing even in the midst of progress. It's why I recorded 4 new podcast episodes on the victim culture that is developing under your nose in your team or family. Fly me away to that podcast.
This whole idea of burnout is why I made the Figure That Mindset Out course in the academy yo. You can learn the transferable parts of my mindset and there's a workbook for making your own. Time to move from 😳 to 😎. Whisk me away to that academy.
Where is life challenging the resiliency of your mindset right now?
Have you ever been around someone when they were so excited to tell you something their face, tone, and body posture were a little too intense?
If you could see me right now that'd be me.
The SightShift Leadership Academy is live!!!!!!! It's been sooooo much hard and fun work.
More than ever the world needs courageous and kind leaders. That's why the academy exists.
70 skills. Videos and audios for 6 courses!!!! (Full day ahead so I'll have to share more about it later.)
The best humans are on their 3rd belief system.
Everyone has a belief system. They organize their lives around what they value. Part of being human is to organize your life around some set of values.
Whether it's passive or active we are all bowing down. Some think they are shirking off all bias and presupposition but that is impossible. They are bowing down to not bowing down. 😜
Here's a pattern I've observed in stories thousands of years old and modern day lives:
FIRST BELIEF SYSTEM
Your first belief system is what surrounds you at an early age. That belief system might be a positive experience from adult to child. Or it could be a negative belief system you formed in response to the hurts and pains.
Some never completely adopt their first belief system. They give it a nod here and there sitting through church or temple or mass but it stays at the surface.
You might think you still hold the same belief system you had as a child but for most it has changed even if only a little...
SECOND BELIEF SYSTEM
Your second belief system is the first one you choose for yourself. It might be a belief system of bitterness or protest.
Bitterness results from tragic pain or comparison. The lives of other people are better and you start to nurse the wound that life isn't fair. (And life isn't fair. It never will be.) Some tragedy hits so hard that you develop a mindset to protect you from feeling that level of pain again.
The second belief system can also be one of protest. You find out that in some way the world isn't fair. (And the world isn't fair.) You're convinced the ill of society is evil corporations or animal testing on makeup or the lack of diversity on the university's board or who the president is. Yes corporations have done bad things. They've also done amazing work and moved the world forward. The anti-_____ (fill in the blank) stance is vacuous. People committed to solutions are those who grow and extend their influence at capacity. Dedicating your life to eradicating a problem is a diminishing return.
Some build their second belief system on positive results they've experienced. Now they're convinced everyone has to believe the same as they do. "Have you tried this supplement I ordered?" "Successful people do _____ so you should too."
Few make it past the second belief system. It's easier to stay riled up than calm down and focus on your mission.
THIRD BELIEF SYSTEM
The third belief system is where you progress beyond thinking that life or the world should be fair. You get busy improving what you can for yourself and others. The third belief system is where you learn to make your own meaning. The third belief system is where you pursue your own values. You can use the tactics and strategies of others but at a principled level you own your decisions. In the third belief system decisions originate from a secure identity. These decisions are the change that moves society forward while developing the individual.
There will always be lots of cul-de-sac distractions along the way to your third belief system. But that is where life gets interesting and maxes out your abilities. You'll start to see what others don't. And you won't be able to stop from taking action.
- We need to do all we can to level the playing field of life. But it will never be level. So don't focus on your disadvantages. That will erode your mindset. You can't learn resilience when you're drowning in comparison.
- Only build healthy institutions. Whether places of work or marriages or any relational group the quickest way to be evil is to reinforce and keep people trapped in their first two belief systems. This is another way of defining co-dependence.
- Individual identity supersedes group identity. Your sexuality is a part of who you are but not all who you are. Your race is a part of who you are but not all who you are.
"I do not represent blacks or tall women, or women or Samoans or Californians or Americans. Or rather I hope I do, because I am all those things. But that is not all that I am. I am all of that and more and less. People often put labels on people so they don’t have to deal with the physical fact of those people… I simply refuse to have my life narrowed and proscribed." Maya Angelou
And in the current political climate there's a blindness to this reality. When group identity supersedes individual identity you've turned the clock back to tribalism. You've missed the last 2000 years of development in the West that has learned to champion the individual. When group identity is more important than individual identity a ripe environment exists for a manipulator to rise to power and justify atrocities both small and large. Make no mistake this is how millions were murdered in the 2oth century.
- The answer isn't to figure out where you've been victimized but to embolden yourselfand lead others to their freedom (3rd belief system). Whether you're a white male or Asian female you have to figure out you and lead others.
- Parents and "evangelists" of causes please remember people are in motion. Abrasive forcing of your beliefs on them will not end well. This is also why SightShift is about helping you get your own insight rather than "breaking you down" to "build you up".
My obsession is teaching the SightShift framework and helping others teach it. You could word it this way: I love helping people get to their own chosen third belief system.
By the way, I help you do that in one of the courses in the always-on-and-ready-for-you SightShift academy. Have you checked it out yet? Take me to the academy.
The number 1 feedback I've been hearing is, "It's like having Chris on demand to help me grow ". Here to serve. 🤗
Where do you think you are?
When the vision feels far out of reach I might...
- not make that phone call
- fail to pitch that idea
- retreat into a distracted busyness (social media can be perfect for this)
- skip going to the gym
- numb myself out in some way (when I eat the whole bag of chips and my tastes bud lose sensation)
If you've hung around here for a while you know my obsession is helping you find your way. So you can live your mission. And build your community.
Some days I march forth, the sun shines bright, and I can hear the birds singing.
Some days the clouds merge into the horizon like this suffocating gray blanket, I grovel around on the ground for the next step, and I get knocked down.
I don't know if I'm stubborn or stupid but I can tell you in 20 years of leading people that if you get back up again then you'll have more sunny days. You'll be so glad you didn't quit. And you'll have more grey and cloudy days where you learn insights so beautiful they change you.
Life has this way of continually taking you to the edge of your abilities. You can shrink back or power up. But both of those deform you.
My aim for you and me is to continue to relax our way into who we are (BEING) but not coasting short of our true potential (DOING). To do that you'll have to find your own way. Here's a talk from last year that was recently loaded online. Set aside some time to learn and grow. Be warned I do have a couple pics of Johnny Cash and Kanye flipping the camera off. You gotta hear how the stages of growth work to your advantage tho!
(BTdubs as my teenagers would say or By The Way...I'd love to come speak at your event this year on SightShift. I can leave the Johnny Cash and Kanye pics at home. 😜 The sooner I know the easier it is to try and make a date work out. Speaking interest form here: https://www.sightshift.com/speaking)
Office holiday parties are like bosses who use the word "family".
There is no middle ground in using the word "family" at work.
- Some bosses are afraid to use the word "family". They don't love what they do or the community they've built at their company.
- Some use the word "family" to justify insecure and narcissistic leadership. Bad human behavior.
- Some use the word "family" because they mean it in all the right and beautiful ways. Good human behavior.
(Sidenote: I asked an owner of one of my favorite companies that I work with, "Why do you do it? You've achieved enough you don't have to be here." He said, "I love helping people grow". He says "family" and it rings true.)
Office holiday parties are a similar clue.
- Some business owners throw the big party like a religious festival from the tribal/nomadic era. Let's go big as an effort to cover up for the past year's sins and how we treated the people. Bad human behavior.
- Some throw the big party because they are generous and want everyone to feel celebrated. It's a congruent action that fits with how they treat people all year long. Good human behavior.
THE BEST business owners and bosses understand a reality that makes them healthy as leaders:
A business owner isn't responsible for the livelihood of others.
Here's a conversation that happens often,
BUSINESS OWNER says to Chris: "I drive up and see the cars and think about all the people depending on me to take care of their families."
Chris says to BUSINESS OWNER: "That's a burden that will suck the passion out of your mission. Over time it will cause you to resent the team. Mix that in with some frivolous legal battles from people who want to take advantage of you and you will become calloused."
Chris says to EMPLOYEE: "You don't want to outsource your provision to someone else. One day you'll have a painful wake up call to reality when that check isn't there."
Chris says to BUSINESS OWNER: "You're responsible to create and advance the infrastructure and environment for them to show up, work, and lead. You're not responsible for their livelihood."
Chris says to EMPLOYEE: "You're responsible to figure out how to contribute at your highest level in cooperation with main objectives. Show up fully present. Pay attention. Learn fast. Be brave to move the mission forward. Keep improving systems. Work to have healthy relationships and reduce politics."
The best holiday gift you can give yourself is to assume responsibility for your own livelihood.
Run thru the tape with your work and mission before the year is up. Earn it. Rest.
This is the sound of our times.
For some it brings despair. Frantically they wonder who they can trust as their idol crashes.
For some it brings delight. Sadistically they enjoy seeing people being taken down a notch.
We are in an era of great change. Society will move forward. Even if it takes a couple steps backward.
You can recognize an era of great change when old paradigms that no longer serve society come crashing down.
The sound you hear on the news all the time is the sound of the pedestals crashing.
The pedestals need to crash. You'll never learn who you are fully until no idol blocks the expression of who you are into your mission as you build your community.
There is no one you know, admire, or respect that has it all together.
There is some area in their life where they aren’t making great decisions.
Or they are doing right things for wrong reasons.
Live long enough and every pedestal you construct will crash down.
The higher you build the pedestal the greater your disillusionment.
You have to smash your pedestals.
And if you're a leader then it's your responsibility to smash your pedestal and inspire the people you lead. Yeah, I recognize it's a paradox.
How do you navigate this tension?
Give people your best self. Inspire them.
Share where you've struggled. Relax them.
There's more practical advice on this in a previous book I've written (www.theriderbook.com) but last night I needed to topple my own pedestal. I find I have to do it often.
Last night I had to smash a pedestal.
Last night was an amazing experience. The Wild Path helped me throw an epic book launch party. But it was completely different than any book launch party I'd ever heard of. They had the idea to invite artists to create pieces around passages from my new book www.thestuckbook.com. They did such a fantastic job. And it was so cool to have my own daughter create a piece. Which of course I told everyone there, "Do not buy her painting because I am!" Also while Columbus is a small part of my business (but I hope it continues to grow here!) it was so FUN to introduce my wife and daughters to some of the wonderful folks SightShift serves in this amazing city. It was a powerful experience of community for me.
As I was preparing to share a little bit one idea struck me with so much force. My life is full of so many people who have been absolutely amazing to me. I've had plenty of experiences with other kinds of people too. I've been cheated, yelled at, publicly torn down, etc. etc. If you lead in the public eye things will happen. But I've also had COUNTLESS, FREAKING COUNTLESS moment after moment of people being awesome. The idea that struck me so forcefully was that up until the last few days I've had this conviction that I have to pay everyone back. As I prepared to share with friends last night I realized: I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO PAY EVERYONE BACK. I can't do it. Insecure Chris wants to put his head on his pillow thinking he doesn't owe anyone. Insecure Chris wants to know that everyone who's ever done something for him is paid back. Falsely I've believed that I can only feel good when I've earned my worth by performing for the favor. Secure Chris knows it's a gift to receive. That's the point. The point isn't to pay everyone back but keep paying it forward.
The pedestals aren't done crashing. Insecure leadership needs to be vanquished. Secure leadership needs to be defined so clearly that the insecure can't get away with it any longer. But in the rubble of the broken pedestals let's keep helping people figure out who they are.
If you haven't done so yet then grab a copy of my newest book the stuck book at www.thestuckbook.com. Smash your own pedestal and look honestly at any place you might be a stuck. Then review it on Amazon so I can build a pedestal and smash it down again. Hahaha.
A free resource to help you.
This month's podcast for those in the leadership coaching covered this. Here's an itunes link if you want to listen how to stop being a camel to the pedestal of others: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pursuit-bike-wrecks-and-car-wrecks-skill-11-of-a-leader/id964970402?i=1000391697308&mt=2
No one else is responsible to get you to the edge of your abilities except you.
No one else has the privilege to help you become your best self each day.
In the next week or two I'll be opening up the sign ups for my 12 month leadership coaching. Last year filled up. You can only join if you've been through the identity coaching first.
(secret link buried at the end: www.nomorerobotkingdoms.com if you want to learn the process insecure leaders use to build and reinforce a false pedestal)
We let ourselves off the hook too easily.
And we're way too hard on ourselves.
We fail to admit what isn't working and we beat ourselves up for the results.
The Stuck Book is alive and breathing on amazon.
If you want the backstory of the book and to see an image of the tattoo go towww.sightshift.com/stuck.
You'll also see a new podcast series I'm beginning. We launched 10 new episodes!! Last month was the biggest month for the podcast yet and I haven't loaded a new episode in 2 months. So I'm really excited for you to hear those stories and see where this takes the podcast!
If you want to go straight to the book go to www.thestuckbook.com for the amazon listing. Friendly reminder: iPhones block Amazon kindle purchases in the app so you have to do it thru Safari.
Imagine me with a big smile on my face asking you to PUHLEASE...
- Grab a copy or two now rather than waiting? EVERY SINGLE purchase helps it build early momentum on Amazon.
- After you read it and it changes your life 😉 (it's a short read) then please give it whatever is your honest review on Amazon? I've got all the emoji hugs for you. 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
Friends make the world a better place.
- Thank you to the generous supporters of the book campaign. Your rewards will be on the way!
- Thank you to The Wonder Jam for being on top of the moving parts and pieces. And thank you to Allie for the best book cover ever.
- Thank you to Brave Little Beast for the fantastic work on telling the book's story at www.sightshift.com/stuck. I'm still stunned how quickly you see a better vision and execute it.
Don't stay stuck!!!
I want to enjoy today. And I want to prepare for tomorrow.
We've got a lot of time to enjoy 2017 and I want to soak it up.
AND I want to position myself for 2018 to be as rad as possible.
There's no fluff here. It's just a straight forward reality check.
Here's 3 actions that will help you:
1. Surface your values.
I choose the word surface intentionally. Your values are already there. Whether it's your personal values or the organizational values the skill is to strip away the bs. In a world of everyone trying to do too much and be too much I see a common fallacy: make everything important. If everything is important then nothing is. I faced a war within myself over a recent decision. I got stuck. So I used a mental model that helps me while I was sitting in a sauna. Covered in sweat I felt my body relax as I was honest with myself about the value I didn't want to compromise. (This was after hours of wasting too much emotion and mental energy.)
Your decision making is faster when you know your values. There's less deliberation. And you feel good because those decisions are emanating from your core.
2. Sift your priorities and commit to a few with deep focus.
List out all the systems of your company or your life. Now go through each of them and ask:
- Where am I winning with this system?
- Where am I losing with this system?
- Where am I stuck with this system?
- Where am I inspired with this system?
Take all the data and look for the themes that will shape next years focus.
3. Dial in your daily flow (and team if you have one) to support #1 and #2.
Are the team members around you positioned to support the values and priorities in the expectations of their roles and tasks?
Is your office setup, calendar, and the meetings you agree to attend positioned for #1 and #2?
Have you broken down the priorities from #2 into small and medium steps?
Have you put into place a timeline that makes deadlines early so you'll be left with generous margin?
The transition from work mode to home mode isn't always easy. I remember a Mad Men episode where Don Draper came in the house and walked by Betty's friends. She exclaimed, "It takes him about 45 minutes to transition". I'm sure I'm remembering some of that wording incorrectly but the problem is real. And I don't have 45 minutes.
It's really important you learn how to switch moments and roles with effectiveness and stop dragging parts into other parts. Your life partner is talking to you while you replay the meeting with your business partner. Or you're in a meeting at work thinking about the fight at home. 😖
Transitions between roles and moments are key to being present.
I've got a resource coming out soon that I've worked really hard on this last year. It will help you in all the transitions big and small.
How are your transitions?
What is wrong with me??? I am weird. But at least I know it, right?
Don't I care more about what people think? Sure I care what people think about me. Sometimes. But I can only imagine what my neighbors think of me. My summer routine on the weekend has included at least one evening around the fire pit. I place the bluetooth speaker under my chin and I wail. I mean wail. I sing with abandon. I am in the band.
My wife texts, "I can hear you in the house." One weekend she let me know that when she was in the neighbor's backyard (three houses down and across the street) she could hear me all the way from there!
I love being me. I also love the movie Interstellar. It's my current fave yet to be dethroned. In fact defining SightShift at its deepest level would be like the movie Interstellar. I teach you how to build your own internal tesseract as you become a 5th dimensional being like Matthew McConaughey. Except for the hair. I can't pull off the hair.
I LIKE BEING ME
I don't always like my reactions. I for sure don't like all my circumstances. But the more challenging the circumstance the more I learn about myself.
Maybe you're in a challenging circumstance right now. It's a great time to learn who you are and how to like yourself. Learning your story and how to figure out who you are in the midst of the life you're living right now is critical. This is your moment to hone your intuition.
I talk about this in my book Figure That Shift Out. I describe it like a War of Voices.
A WAR OF VOICES
As you learn your story and pay attention to what’s happening, you’re going to notice a war of voices within yourself. I want you to pay attention to that. I know it sounds weird, but stay with me. You can break it down if you think about it as three competing voices: the voice that pressures you to project, the voice of shame, and the voice of who you are. I am not saying these are audible voices, but pressures at an intuitive level. Let me be your trail guide on this and see if it matches your experience.
The first voice is the part of ourselves that we want to project to others. We want to make people think something about us. This is the proving or hiding. We’re trying to control their perception of us. Our internal chatter in this voice is constantly consumed with what others think.
The second voice is a shaming narrator. We end up being driven by a false story that we feel we have to live up to. Whether or not we are aware of it, the narrator is harnessing voices from our past that spoke in a voice of shame. We talked about shame in the previous chapter. Shame is when you feel like you will never have a place where you are accepted and can feel at home. We have an image we want to project (the first voice) because this internal narrative of shame (the second voice) is driving us. The image we want to project by proving or hiding isn’t who we really are. The driving narration of shame isn’t who we are. Both of these voices are clues and signals to who we are. We need to learn why the shame is there and where it came from so it will stop blocking the truest expression of who we are and thus the uniqueness of our leadership.
We want to find our third voice: who we are. Who we are at our core is free of the pressure and the shame.
How are you going to do that? How are you going to separate the image shame drives you to project from who you actually are? The answer is simple but difficult to practice especially for high performers: Pay attention to your emotional state.
This is awareness. And it's only the beginning.
See you around the fire pit,
The eclipse helped us feel a sense of a wonder. It passed in a moment. But that moment was special. It's easy to see how most of human history experienced so much transcendence they could build religions around these moments.
The possibility for transcendence is always there.
I'm a sucker for a great quote.
A fave that I have shared with you before, "But genius is nothing more nor less than childhood recovered at will — a childhood now equipped for self-expression with manhood’s capacities..." It's a French translation and I've seen some that read "with the skill of adulthood." Charles Baudelaire, French poet and jilter-of-my-brain ladies and gentlemen.
I like the way he frames that. I hope to live that. Recovering the childhood at will with the skill of adulthood is the highest and most whole of aims.
The common path is to lose the childhood of play and wonder as you slowly become a rigid, uptight adult. There's a reason the Twenty One Pilots song "Stressed Out" got so much radio play. Statistically speaking your kids won't want the life you're currently living when they become adults. They dream about the future but they don't want the stresses that have been falsely equated with being an adult. They don't want to lose their wonder.
We need to grieve our lost wonder.
I don't want to discourage you. I want to facilitate a wake up. The maturity that comes with adulthood is EMPOWERING. Learning who I am and how to let my emotions enhance my life and not dictate direction has been amazing.
But I also need the child. I love being an adult with the curiosity of a child. Please hear me, I still screw up. I still succumb to the worst parts of who I am in moments. I either become childishly immature or an adult who's too serious and can't lighten up. But I've learned to interrupt my own dysfunctional patterns by embracing life with a childlike, eyes-wide-open, raging hope for what life can bring in the smallest of moments. (Cue me singing around the firepit late on Saturday nights at the top of my lungs. I love it!) I want maturity with wonder.
I don't want to miss any of my growth. I want to get to the edge of my abilities and go as far as I can. But I don't want to lose the child and be so serious in my pursuit of growth that I fail to enjoy the journey. I want to show up to each moment with a sense of, "How good can this get? I wonder what will happen next?"
I want to get where I want to go AND I want to enjoy getting there. This requires honesty about what I actually want my life to be about and the ability to embrace the inevitable setbacks and challenges.